So you want to be a Call Girl?

Indie Edition: 

I’ve met a few civilian girls (most of them are strippers) who have been aware of my career choices and most are extremely intrigued by all of the glamorous aspects of the job: earning potential of 1k or so a day, hanging out in lingerie, fancy men who like to wine and dine.  Anyone who hangs around the hobby community for more than a month witnesses several young girls ducking out shortly after jumping in.

 Someday when this is all less taboo, I will host start-up workshops for any interested women:  “Make money fast with limited start-up capital!  No experience necessary!  Call our 1-800 number for a free informational packet!  Call now and we’ll include the variety box of prophylactics, an everyday value of $49.99.  Sign up for our workshop and we’ll even throw in a gallon of lubricant!”  The classes at these workshops would be wonderful and informative, and I will brainstorm those things later on I am sure.  Before a gal should even sign up, she needs to get through the following exercises.

 Stranger-gram

Unless you have a very keen spidey sense, too many security devices at the incall, or very obtrusive and fail-proof screening techniques, you never really know who is coming to your door.  Wake yourself up a little early someday and go someplace busy.  Airport, Borders, Wal-Mart.  The trick is to find a very ordinary, family friendly place.  (Neimans or REI won’t work for this exercise.)

 Take a seat and watch.  Look at every man that walks through the door, imagine him naked, never leaving out a single detail.  Imagine his balls smacking your forehead.  Imagine what he might smell like between his thighs.  Even for the most seasoned provider, this exercise isn’t very pleasant, but there are the girls who can complete it and those who cannot.  Take a break and just focus on the hotties when you need a break, then go grab a stiff drink.

Still with me?  If so, follow me to the next step:

On the Prowl 24/7

Things get tricky as an indie.  You never know when someone will be emailing you, and you never know if that email is for a client wanting an appointment now or 5 weeks from now.  Well, truth be told, only about half of the emails will even be asking for an appointment.  In order to be a charming and sought-after girl, you must be charming and seductive in your emails. 

Furthermore, it is not humanly possible to be horny every single time that you have an appointment.  I know that some women claim to be, but I think they are just ones that haven’t been around long enough. 

 Your task is to find a free porn site and a free erotic site.  Put them on your favorites and look at them several times a day.  With your morning coffee, after your mother calls you on the phone to complain about holiday plans, before you rush out to grab some groceries, and even after you are exhausted from a play-date with your right hand.

Learn to tolerate and somewhat enjoy everything dealing with sex at any point of the day.  Learn to shut down the day to day happenings to make time for another’s desires.

Sound manageable?  No? Follow me to step three.

Rent a Meg Ryan Movie

Learn to fake it.  It is imperative that you learn how to fake it.  I know that several women vow to never pretend, but you really have to learn in this line of work.

Several men will hold out until you get your thrills.  The clock will be past time and they will keep repeating that they complete until you do.  If you’re anything like me, this has a 99.8% chance of actually happening.  Now there are 2 possible options.

1) Stop.  Sit back.  Look deep into his eyes and say: Baby, I have trouble completing and it honestly has nothing to do with you (even if it might have everything to do with him).  I know that in a perfect world you could script out this encounter, but you can’t, so you’ll just have to go on without me. (He can continue if he hasn’t completely deflated).

2) Fake it.  You are his fantasy so you need to work your hardest on fulfilling that fantasy.  You need to make the unattractive, overweight, awkward guy feel as though he is your hot date that you can’t resist.  You need to make the older, out of practice gent feel as though he is a young stud that just grabbed you up from the bar.  You need to reassure the egos of the young studs that believe they are sex gods.

In your personal life, swing either way you feel is best on the faking it issue.  I personally stay away from it if I’m doing anything other than a one night stand.  I adhere to it anytime that the job requires it of me.

 Learn how to change your pitch.  Figure out how to make your whole body tremble.  Push, pull…fake the post-finish pulses and you’ll be gold.  Pant at the end, smile a sleepy smile and you’ll be golden.

 Still interested?  The simply enroll in our workshops for $399.  The price is low considering how much your earning potential will increase after our classes!